If you have noticed, there are some people who might come across in your life, who are very difficult to get along with. What’s wrong with them? No matter how hard you try, there will always be a friction.
Such people may belong to this category called ‘proud and arrogant people’, who have some common traits. They get easily offended, get irritated soon, or could never agree with you even if you are right, tries to put blame on others and so on. You have to be bit careful while dealing with them. Here are some important things you need to note, which would help you to get along with them better!
1. Identify them (not to judge them)
At the first encounter, you may never know what kind of person he/she is. But if you closely observe their behavior, you can easily identify whether they belong to this category of arrogant/proud people. Once you identify them, then it is easy to handle them. Sometimes your judgement may be wrong, hence never label a person as ‘proud’ person. This is just to help you when you deal with such people.
2. These are some of the signs
- Immediate tendency to argue with you – They find it very difficult to agree with you, even if you are right. Their first response would usually be a counter statement or will try to find a loop-hole in your statement.
- Less willing to admit failures – Even if you prove them wrong, they won’t accept their mistakes. They will try to find a justification for all their mistakes.
- Loses temper easily – If they are unable to win the argument with you, they tend to get angry with you.
- Speaks hurtful words
- Tend to attack the ego of others – They tend to make themselves great by putting others down.
- Boasts about themselves – They will be bragging about the good things they did
- Takes credit to themselves – Even, for the small things, they usually take credit to themselves
- Finds it difficult to observe the good in others – No matter how good people around them are, they still will find faults in them.
- Usually self-centered – At any cost, they will make sure, to get everything and anything possible to themselves
These are some of the common signs of people who are proud and arrogant. If it happens to be your spouse, family member, colleague, or someone whom you spend most of your time with, then you will have a difficult time learning to cope up with them. You can never avoid them, because such people are often around you. The only way is to understand such personalities better and to learn to get along with them.
3. There is a reason behind it
Past hurts in their lives
I have heard this famous quote which is very true. “Hurt people hurt people”.
There was a friend of mine, who always used to hurt others by making fun of their appearance or something similar. One day, I decided to do a bit of research on why he was behaving that way, as I was interested to learn more about such personalities. I started to dig his past life and childhood days. Then he shared with me how he was ill-treated and abused in his childhood days. He had been emotionally hurt in the past, and he has been carrying it over the years. I found that, this could be one of the reasons for his inconsiderate nature.
Remember! If you also don’t deal with the hurtful words with which people speak to you, one day you may also hurt others. That’s human psychology. Click here to read my post on 5 simple tips to deal with hurtful words
People who hurt others are usually the ones who had been badly hurt in the past. As far as I observed, this could be one of the reasons for their arrogance and proud behavior. They feel insecure and will not want to be hurt again. Hence they express their inner strife and pain, through hurtful words. I have heard that most of the criminals had a hurtful past.
Pride is another reason
They are so proud of themselves that they find it very difficult to admit failures. They usually force others to change but will be less willing to change themselves. Pride is a sign of lack of wisdom. Click here to read on 3 ways wise people will treat you when you correct them.
There could be other reasons as well.
4. They need help, not punishment
This is one common mistake people make, in dealing with arrogant people, that is, to fight back or back answer or give a tit-for-tat answer. But that doesn’t work or make them better. The people who are usually arrogant and proud are helpless, they need emotional healing. If you hurt them, they tend to become more violent and will start hating you. Therefore, the best way to handle them, is to have mercy upon them! By doing so, you will gain them.
This is a good teaching by Jesus.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. Matt 5: 38-42
5. These are some of the ways you can help them
Pray for them
This is the most effective method. Pray as you talk to them. God can change any person. Jesus also had to deal with arrogant people. He did not retaliate or curse them, instead He was moved with love and compassion for them.
But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Matt 5: 44- 46
Chose your words carefully
As I told earlier, they will get easily offended with words. A slight grammatical mistake is enough for them to consider your sentences as an insult or offense. Therefore, chose words wisely and carefully as you speak. Here are some tips
1. Try to avoid the word ‘you’ when you speak something concerning them
It becomes more personal, and may be offensive to them, if not rightly used. For example, if you want to tell them “you are wrong!”, you can reword it as, ‘The thing which was done was wrong’. Therefore, the stress is on the ‘wrong thing’, and not ‘them’. This is one way, you can convey information without touching their ego.
Another example: Instead of saying, “You shouldn’t have spoken so rudely to him”, you can say, “It would have been better, if the words spoken to him were kind”. This is another way of communicating the same thing without hurting their feelings.
Bringing the focus to yourself as you speak to them, hence they will be able to think from your perspective, which may give them a better idea.
“You commanded me to do it”, instead use, “I was commanded to do it”
“You told me to do like this”, instead say, “I was told to….”
These are some of the ways you can avoid the word ‘you’.
Sentence reconstruction can do wonders. It will help them not to take it personally, but to make them take it in the right sense. The word ‘you’ will appear to them as a pointing or accusing finger, even if you don’t mean it.
If you have the choice of a different language, then better go for a language which is familiar to both of you. If we are not familiar with the language, things can be easily misunderstood.
2. Never tell them plainly that they are wrong (Use passive voice whenever possible)
Since they are proud, they will be less willing to change. So the more you try to change them, the more arrogant they become. Therefore, you can use a story or an incident to convey the same message, in an indirect manner. One of the best way is to explain to them the whole incident, the positives and negatives, so that they can acknowledge their mistakes from the whole scenario.
For example, person A hurt another person B, and you are trying to tell person A, that A was wrong. But, if you tell person A (the proud person), plainly that he was wrong, he won’t accept it. Therefore, one method is to explain to Person A, on how badly Person B was hurt. So, Person A may get some time to reflect on what happened, and there is a chance for him to change.
3. Delay your response
If you are in a discussion/argument with such people, even if you are right, they are not going to agree with you easily at the first instance. So may be, you can delay your response. This way, you can give them some time to think. Usually, they tend to become emotional quickly, so a good interval of time can help them become calm (and also you), and then you can proceed with the conversation. Click here to read about 3 things you shouldn’t do when you are angry
4. Be very tactful
Start with complimenting the good in them, and gradually you can move on to tell them their mistakes, according to their response. If, in any case, they tend to become emotional, the best way is to change the topic and carry on later.
Accept the good in them despite their arrogance
All people have goodness inside of them. These people need acceptance and care. All we need to do is to find the virtue in them and encourage them, so that there is high chance that their emotional hurts will be slightly healed. Few good words can do wonders.
Maintain good relationship with them
I agree that this is the most toughest part, but if you sincerely want to help them, you should willfully love them. This way you can get a good emotional connect with them. Then it becomes easy to know as to how to behave towards them.