5 common mistakes you’re probably making in an argument (and 4 reasons why?)

Arguments are obviously not pleasant. The moment you slip into an argument, it’s a chance for the enemy to cause divisions, quarrel etc. It may even end up hurting relationships.

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Here are 7 common mistakes you’re probably making in an argument, and you may regret it later.

1. Maybe you haven’t heard it right

Many times, we jump into conclusions based on false assumptions. We haven’t listened carefully, nor was willing to. At the end of the conversation, you realized that you understood it wrongly, and that was the real reason why the conversation turned into an argument. Give a listening ear.

That’s why the Bible tells us

Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. James 1: 19

If you have a very good listening ear, you will save lot of conflicts.

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2. Maybe you were too quick to speak

You didn’t even give a chance for the other person to complete what he/she was trying to say. You have jumped in between while they were speaking. That means, you were not even willing to know what the other person was trying to convey. Hence, the conversation turned into an argument.

That’s why in the previous verse, the Bible advises us: Let us be slow to speak

Also in Proverbs 21: 23,

Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.

People who are wise speak less.

The truly wise person restrains his words, and the one who stays calm is discerning. (Prov 17: 27)

3. Maybe you just wanted to prove yourself right no matter what!

When the conversation turns into, Who is right and Who is wrong, remember, it has already turned into an unhealthy one. It becomes a personal fight. That’s a kiddish style. If you know you are right, and the other person is not willing to accept it, just leave it. Never keep on arguing until you prove yourself right.

Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions. Prov 18: 2

Sometimes, Jesus also had to keep quiet in front of his opponents. Jesus said the truth, but the people were not willing to accept it, so Jesus, being wise, left it to the Father, and moved on.

I remember this statement by Jesus

Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. Matt 7:6

4. Maybe you hate that person for some reason

When the conversion is turning unhealthy, there could be some serious problem with your relationship with that person. May be a previous argument you lost, or could be some attitude you hate in them. Whatever it is, if you allow that grudge to fester within you, you will eventually end up in hurting them with your words.

So, what’s the solution? You have to willfully choose to forgive that person and keep reminding yourself about how God forgave you. This way, the love of God will flow through you. For a moment, meditate on His love and kindness. Show that same mercy unconditionally. Then you will win that person instead of winning the argument.

READ ALSOhttp://hisvoiceonline.com.md-in-70.bigrockservers.com/things-you-should-not-do-when-you-are-angry/

5. Maybe you got irritated and angry

Because of all the negative emotions arising out of the heated arguments, you will get irritated, angry and upset.

That’s why Bible reminds us

Understand [this], my beloved brethren. Let every man be quick to hear [a ready listener], slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry. James 1: 19

How not to be angry? Three simple steps

  1. Be quick to listen
  2. Be slow to speak
  3. Be slow to take offense and to get angry

READ ALSO: How to control anger?

Why we fail?

There are several underlying reasons why we are sometimes unable to keep up that calm spirit during such conversations. There are some areas in our life, where we need to do some self-examination, so that we can train our minds to become more stable and peaceful

1. Ego

This is one area most of us fail.

“You were trying your best to prove yourself right, when you were really not” :- That means, you are obsessed about how you are right and sorry to say, That’s not the right kind of attitude. We need to be honest with ourselves, and be willing to be corrected. This requires lot of humility and patience.

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble. James 4: 6

READ ALSO: http://hisvoiceonline.com.md-in-70.bigrockservers.com/reaction-when-corrected/

2. Arrogant and proud

“You were not willing to listen, not to allow that person to speak”:- which means, somewhere deep inside, ‘pride’ is controlling you. Ego is closely associated with pride, which is a negative attitude. The more we can get rid of pride, the more relationships we will save!

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Prov 16: 18

Mockers are proud and haughty; they act with boundless arrogance. Prov 21: 24

3. Lack of wisdom

One of the clear signs of lack of wisdom is non-stop talking. Therefore we need to desire to have more wisdom in order to be peaceful and gentle, and to keep silence when it is really needed.

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Prov 17: 28

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1: 5

4. More words, more sin

The more you talk, the more likely you are to make mistakes. Therefore, we need to tame our tongue and discipline our thoughts and words, so that we will know what to say at the right time in the right way.

Book of proverbs puts it rightly

If you talk a lot, you are sure to sin; if you are wise, you will keep quiet Prov 10: 19

In short, wisdom is all we need. The more wise we are, the more mature we will be in our conversations. Therefore, let us do our best to achieve more wisdom, knowledge and understanding.

What are the other mistakes you make in an argument? How do you deal with yourself if you lose an argument? What are the ways you console yourself, after a fight with your loved ones? Share your thoughts below

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