4 godly steps to have better control over your anger

How should one deal with anger? How God deals with us when we are angry? How important it is to understand the root cause of our anger? How to react if we being angry? What will happen if we burst out in anger?
Let us have a closer look at one of the first persons whose anger has been recorded in the Bible. He is none other than Cain, the firstborn child to Adam and Eve. Abel was his brother.
Here goes the incident.

Abel took care of flocks, and Cain became a farmer.  Later, Cain brought some food from the ground as a gift to God. Abel brought the best parts from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord accepted Abel and his gift, but he did not accept Cain and his gift. So Cain became very angry and felt rejected. (Genesis 4)

Cain became very angry.
Amplified version records

So Cain was exceedingly angry and indignant, and he looked sad and depressed.

(Indignant: feeling or showing anger or annoyance at what is perceived as unfair treatment)
There are a lot of lessons we can learn from this single incident. Let us prayerfully go deeper into this portion.
The Lord did not accept Cain’s gift.
We do not have many details on why it was rejected, but it is written that while Abel brought the best parts from some of the firstborn of his flock to God, Cain brought some of the food from the ground as gifts. Anyways, God was so pleased with Abel and his offering and he was not pleased with Cain and his gift.
Cain gets really angry!

1st Stage of Cain’s anger: Very angry.

First step: Find the triggering point

Now, here are a few questions we need to ask while we become angry.
Why are we angry in the first place? Is it because of someone else? Is it because of unfair treatment? Is it because we were rejected? Is it because we were offended? Is it because we are not given the due respect? What exactly is provoking you to anger? 
When you are angry, it is the best time to have a closer look at your own selves. It is at that time, we may lose control of our words and actions. It is the time, our real self comes out. It is the time, all our past hurts, emotions and hidden thoughts come out. So it’s the best opportunity to do a self-check!
(If you are not patient enough to do a self-analysis at that moment, maybe you can start doing this when you really become cool down. Eventually, you will pick up the skill of doing self-check before it is too late)\
So let’s come to Cain. Why was he angry? Here are some of the possible reasons.

1. His younger brother’s gift was accepted. He would have thought: “How come my own brother gets the blessing and I do not?” So the root cause could be jealousy
2. His gift was rejected by God. So he thought God was unfair and partial. The root cause could be misunderstanding God.
3. He would have questioned God in his mind: “How can God reject me and my gift? I am worthy of the fruit of my hard work!” Root cause: Self-righteousness or pride.
4. He thought he did a good job but later found out that it was not up to the mark. All his hard work on the soil felt like a waste. Root cause: A sense of regret.
5. When Abel was accepted, Abel would have become so happy, excited, and went back home. Seeing this, Cain would have become even more indignant. Root cause: Not happy in seeing others happy.
6. Cain would have envied the job of Abel shepherding the flock. Cain would have thought, “I should have become a shepherd. Why did I become a farmer? If only I would have been a shepherd, God would have accepted my gift”. Root cause: Thinking in the wrong direction.
7. Maybe there were some other good things Abel did in which God was pleased, and this would have made Cain upset with Abel. Root cause: Past unresolved hurts.
8. Maybe since Abel was righteous, he may not have supported Abel in doing something which is not pleasing to God. Root cause: Self-pity. Considered himself as less righteous than Abel.
9. Or Cain did not appreciate the offering of Abel. He would have thought: “Few sheep can’t be better than my vegetables. His offering cannot be as good as mine. There is no way that God can accept his offering”. And when God accepted the offering, he would have become upset. Root cause: Not appreciating other’s works.

Anything else?
There could be n number of reasons. Find out the root cause. Definitely there should be a root cause for your anger. The sooner you find it, the sooner you will get control over it.
This is how we should figure out what exactly is the cause of the anger. This exercise will definitely bring you closer to the reality of your own self.
But Cain did not do this self-analysis. Poor Abel would not have known what’s in the mind of Cain, because he went back home feeling blessed and happy in God’s presence.

Second Step: Seek God’s help as you deal with your emotion

Now, God comes down to help Cain.

And the Lord said to Cain, Why are you angry? And why do you look sad and depressed and dejected? If you do well, will you not be accepted?

The Lord helps him with three questions to find the root cause. God tells him that He would have been accepted if he had done a good job. God was telling him the reason why he was rejected.

If he would have asked God, God would have definitely told this before. But he chooses to remain upset and angry, and God had to initiate the conversation.

2nd stage of Cain’s anger: Looking sad and depressed and dejected

Many times, when we are angry, God is with us to help us out. All we need to do is to take a pause and listen to God’s gentle voice within so that we will know what’s the exact cause, and it will help us not to go wild in our thoughts.

Third step: Take the ‘right’ action

God continues to warn Cain.

And if you do not do well, sin crouches at your door; its desire is for you, but you must master it.

God gives Cain 3 warnings.
My child, sin is crouching at your door. Sin is waiting to attack you. You must rule over it.
In other words, if you do not deal with your anger at the right time, you are going to burst out and you may go crazy.
When God tells us something or when He reminds us of the possible outcomes of uncontrolled anger, we must listen to him and take action accordingly, else it will be too late.
Now, if you read on, you will not find any response from Cain.
The next verse says,

And Cain said to his brother, Let us go out to the field. And when they were in the field, Cain rose up against Abel his brother and killed him.

Which means, Cain did not master over the sin. Sin took over Cain. Sin made Cain kill Abel.

3rd stage of Cain’s anger: Uncontrolled and sin took over his emotions and ended in murder.

Just imagine, how intense that anger was! Did Abel do anything wrong? No.

If uncontrolled, these may follow

I am praying, that God gives grace to us so that we will succeed in the third step itself. If not, you may most likely harm other innocent people who are around you, who have done nothing wrong to you. Cain literally murdered Abel. In our case, we may not physically kill someone, but the words we use can kill them.
Here is another indication: If someone is bursting out in anger towards you, it could be because they are dealing with some other problem to which they are unable to master. So do not react to them. You just happened to be a victim of their uncontrolled anger.

Fourth Step: Trust God for justice and remain at peace

Now God comes down again after he has killed Abel.

And the Lord said to Cain, Where is Abel your brother? And he said, I do not know. Am I my brother’s keeper? (Gen 4:9)

God asks him: Where is Abel?

So here comes the question: Why did not God stop Cain from killing an innocent person? Why was God watching there from above when this act was done?

Many times, when we are victims of other’s anger, we feel helpless and start thinking: What wrong have I done?

You may not have done anything wrong. It’s just the other person finding it difficult to control their anger.

So what am I supposed to do? Don’t react. Just remain cool. God is still on the throne. The just God will take action according to His perfect timing and will.

Trust God for justice!

When God asked where Abel was, Cain’s response was a lie (I DON’T KNOW) and a back-answer (AM I MY BROTHER’S KEEPER?)!

How long was Cain angry? It continued even after God spoke to him for the first time. When he called his brother to the field, he was angry all his way. Even after he killed Abel, still his anger did not subside. It remained for a long time.

4th stage of Cain’s anger: Lying and back answering

Just imagine, what if Abel would have resisted and killed Cain? No, he didn’t.

Now God punishes Cain.

And [the Lord] said, What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to Me from the ground. And now you are cursed by reason of the earth, which has opened its mouth to receive your brother’s [shed] blood from your hand.

When you remain helpless and remain cool, your innocence will call out to the Lord, and He will hear your cry and pain. He will intervene at the right time. Just wait for God and trust God.

Now, Abel died and he never saw how justice was done. Even at the last breath, when he was dying, Abel would have called upon the Lord. He thought, God was silent when he was suffering, and he passed away.

But God brought justice.

Remember! We may not know how God brings justice, so do insist that God brings punishment upon those who harm us, in the way we want. Let us not take revenge. Let us pray for those who harm us. Let us continue to do good. Let God do the rest.

If you would like to watch a Malayalam Bible study on the same topic, watch the below video. Remember to subscribe to the channel and share the link to your friends